why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Randomize
