Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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