My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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