She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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