It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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