I can't watch pbs sober anymore
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
