i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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