He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
