i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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