3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
