Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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