i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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