i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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