i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
