Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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