my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
