Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
