Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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