So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
