help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Randomize
