I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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