I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
