I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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