I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
