I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
