I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
