I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
