i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
