Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
