Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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