Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
