good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
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at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
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And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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