Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
