Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
