Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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