don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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