..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
