I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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