Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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