Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
