Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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