Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
