So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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