I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
