If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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