I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Randomize
