im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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