it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
