Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
