I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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