I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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