Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
