ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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