So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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