I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
