My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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