My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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