I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
