just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize