Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
