she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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