You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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