You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
