Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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