summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
