When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
All I want is dick and wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
