Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
