I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize