There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
