better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
