he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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