Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
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