My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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