So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
