I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
