As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
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