dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
